Domesticity
by Nyaow
Summary: This is perhaps not the most orthodox way to use a relic. Drabble. Gen.


**Author:** Nyaow

**Disclaimer:** DragonNest not mine :(

**Pairing:** None

**Warnings:** Mature language. Like two words.

**Summary:** This is perhaps not the most orthodox way to use a relic. Drabble. Gen.

**Author's Note**: First in the Domesticity Drabble Series :3

* * *

**Relics**

This is perhaps not the most orthodox way to use a relic. Deidrik muses as he takes a step back to observe his handiwork.

Two Healing Relic EXes stand before him, the sharp pointed tips on the bottom end of the relic shafts digging deep into the ground allowing the relics to maintain a stiff perpendicular against the ground.

They are positioned exactly 5 metres apart.

A transparent fishing string is tied to the thick shafts of the two relics- just beneath the section where the relic sprouts symmetrical ceramic wings- pulled so taut that Deidrik still has the scars on his hands where the string had cut through his calluses.

Along the fishing string, one undershirt, one navy pant and a pair of socks hang via wooden clips the size of his thumb.

Heck! It is probably the _most _unorthodox way to use healing relics! He can't wait to show this to Kamijyou!

* * *

The floored look on Kamijyou's face when he sees the contraption is _priceless_.

Deidrik's hand itches to help the stunned Crusader pick up his jaw from where it is hanging, but he restrains himself(barely), what if the Crusader bites his fingers off in his shock? Who said that's a ridiculous notion?! Kamijyou has _very_ sharp teeth! He even has the scars to prove it!

Eventually, even the stunned Crusader becomes bored of the silence. He closes his mouth with his own palm and Deidrik snaps to attention, awaiting the verdict. Kamijyou works his throat, once, twice. Finally, out comes a stilted "H-How?"

Deidrik's cheek muscles, which had fixed themselves to a semi-permanent :) smiley face sometime during the wait, protest as he moves them, but he proceeds on relentlessly. And then, as he opens his mouth, it is as if a flood dam had been lifted.

"Funny you should ask that. But then again maybe not. You see, I've got so many relics at my disposal; lightning, healing, cure, bind, miracle relics so I just keep wondering, 'Why do these relics all appear and disappear at different intervals of time, but each type of relic always stays in our plane for a consistently fixed amount of time _every single time_ I summon them?' So I got to experimenting with them and **did you know**, the healing relic emits exactly five healing pulses at two second intervals and disappears immediately after emitting its fifth pulse? But then I thought 'Why two second intervals? And why five pulses? Why not six?' So I thought maybe this has to do with the amount of mana I pour into the relic, the mana cost written in the guidebook is really just a recommendation anyway. So I tried giving the relic more mana, and then it became six pulses, then I gave it less and it became three pulses! But the weird thing is! The interval is _always_ the same! So I thought maybe I just need to give the relic the mana slo-ower, so I tried easing the mana out slowly, sort of like holding pee in. Y'know, like you're tensing up the muscle so that less of it leak out so that it goes over a longer period and then- **nnffghh**!"

Fuck. His tongue. _Fuck_. That hurt. **Alot**. Thank Altea at least _somebody_ in this room does not have sharp teeth. Otherwise his tongue would be down an inch. Or half. It hurt too much to measure right now.

"Nngf." Deidrik tries to huff over his pain, eyelids fluttering rapidly to blink back pained tears, but Kamijyou's palm remains solidly clamped against his jaw. Did he have to use his master hand?!

"Stop. Shut up." Callused fingers dig into the grooves of his jawline warningly and Deidrik stiffens, sufficiently cowed.

It takes another long minute, which Deidrik spends absentmindedly feeding the two healing relics in his backyard with just enough mana to maintain their presence but barely enough to manifest healing pulses, before the fingers eventually lax and remove themselves from his jaw. Only when the hand is fully retracted and Kamijyou shows no signs of continued aggression does Deidrik reach up massage his tongue carefully with his fingers. Other than the obvious grooves where his teeth had been buried into the poor abused appendage, he does not find any holes. Phew.

"Let me get this straight. You. Built a clothes rack out of Healing Relic EXes. Because you were _bored_." Kamijyou's perfect deadpan bulldozed over his annoyed grumbling.

Deidrik pauses, blinking. He didn't mention the bored part did he.

"You've been banned from the PvP arena for the past six weeks and trading market prices has been so ridiculously high for the past week that it's non-negotiable. _Of course_ you were bored."

Oops. He wasn't that transparent was he.

"Yes. Yes, you are. I just didn't realise your depths of boredom would sink deep enough to produce **this**." The exasperated tone Kamijyou's voice takes make him bristle briefly.

"It's not that bad! We can use this out in the field you know." He protests.

"Yeah, this works better than, oh I don't know, a _campfire_?"

"Yeah! And you know for planting corn and the like-"

"**DEIDRIK**."

**End** :3

* * *

**A/N:** (17-Feb-14) Made some quick edits to include brief descriptions of the healing relics for those unfamiliar with DN Cleric's relics.

Image reference for healing relic here: /healrelic

Many thanks to **shizuyue** for helping me look this over 3


End file.
